Jesse

I head back to the circulation counter, my face burning. I’m usually good at talking with people and making them feel at ease. I worked as a marketer for an advertising firm years ago and was known as being a smooth talker, yet with Luis it’s hard to get anything out that is intelligible. He makes me nervous, but not in a bad way, instead in a dreamy sort of way.

I glance at Haley who had come out from the back offices. She smiles and I’m wondering if she saw any of that. I figure I’d tell her about the discussion I had with Luis before she starts asking anything.

“I talked to Luis and they said that they would be interested in working with us for the program,” I say, pulling out books from the drop box.

“Yeah, I saw you talking to them. I was thinking you might be asking about it,” Haley says and she places a hand on the counter.

I swallow. Had she seen or heard any of the mess that happened. I rapidly scan the books in with my hand; the waving motion comforts me.

“When can Luis come in to chat?”

“Next week, Wednesday at 2.”

“Ok, I’ll get some notes going before then.”

Haley lingers, watching the patrons. I finish scanning the last book. Sorting the pile, I place them on a cart by group.

“I just remembered I gotta talk to Lisbeth about planning for the Founders’ Day event. You’re clocking out soon, right? I’ll see you tomorrow,” Haley says and she heads back to the staircase that leads to the basement.

The clock reads fifteen minutes to five. I’m glad to be leaving then, so I can forget about what happened earlier by logging onto my sandbox game community. I disappear into it and I find myself playing for hours. It was something I picked up after my partner, Kyle, left.

I sometimes miss them. I should have seen the signs that it wasn’t going to work. They had agreed to move to Spellbound Cove with me and had accepted me for who I am; yet they grew bored and tired of living in a quiet town. Kyle wanted more and they would ask so much of me.

Staring at the computer terminal with its magically engineered software displaying the last item I scanned, I recall the day I had to make my Kyle’s memories disappear. They didn’t seem to have any remorse in breaking up with me. I looked into their eyes hoping that there was something still there, a spark glowing for me, for us. Yet, there was nothing there but what appeared to me to be relief.

Someone was knocking on the counter. It was Roland.

“Just about ready to go, Jess?” He says.

“Yeah, It’s been a long day.”

“Library still has three more hours. This is one of the late days.”

Once a week the library closes late, giving some of the residents a chance to check out or return things. Sometimes there are evening events, like Mah Jong night. I don’t usually do the evening shift unless I’m needed. I like to leave my evenings open for the sandbox game. Behind me, someone is coming. Suzi leans on the counter.

“Hey Jess, Hey Roland. It’s been quiet?” She asks.

“Yeah, for the most part,” Jesse says, remembering the paint mess from earlier.

“Good, maybe I’ll get a chance to finish reading a book I checked out. I’m so close.”

“What are you reading? Another one of those animal books?” Roland says.

“Yupe. It’s called Other Minds: The Octopus, the Sea, and the Deep Origins of Consciousness by Peter Godfrey-Smith,” Suzi says, smiling broadly.

“Well, that’s a title,” Roland says and he gives a low whistle.

Some of the patrons look over at him.

“Did you know that octopuses have consciousness separate from other vertebrates?” Suzi says.

Her eyes are glittering and I know she is about to get into a whole speech about octopuses and how clever they are and on and on. The clock on the wall shows three minutes to five. I grab my water bottle and a book I checked out earlier that day. Roland pretends to scan the library for anything going on.

“Thanks, Suzi, for coming to relieve me. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I say.

Roland waves and slips away.

“Yeah, I’ll be here. Probably be late. Dr. Tremblay is coming to do a follow up check up for Dolly. Remember she had something stuck on her hooves?

“Yes, I think I remember you saying she must have stepped on something.”

“I’m glad it wasn’t something major. She’s a tough alpaca,” Suzi says and she sits on the stool I had occupied.

“Me too. See tomorrow, then,” I say.

I clock out in the lounge and wave to the Director who is sitting at the table sipping on tea and reading a book that I couldn’t catch the title of.

Outside, the wind had picked up. Near the horizon are purplish cloud pregnant with precipitation. I pull up the collar of my top to keep the sand from buffeting the back of my neck. Heading away from downtown, I ascend the hill and then turn into my street. Sea Grape Lane ended at the seawall. There were only five house on the block. They were more like cottages, smaller than the other houses further up on the hill.

My light blue home had a small porch that I sometimes sit on, since there wasn’t much of a backyard. Inside, the scent of cleaning product lingers. I had done a thorough cleaning this morning. For some reason, I had the urge to cleanse my house; to be rid of old smells and grime. Maybe I was getting rid of remnants of something.

I drop the library book and my lunch bag on the dining pub-style table. In the kitchen, I pull out a couple of sliced of leftover pizza from The Pizza Spot. I turn the knob to the toaster oven without touching it as I prepare some aluminum foil.

Waiting for the preheat, I go to the living room and turn on my computer that’s hooked up to the TV. My computer is a few years old, but I’ve managed to swap out parts to make it modern. I had brought it with me from the Outside. Some of the parts were actually gifted to me by Kyle. I stare at the computer as it whirs into life.

The toaster oven pings and I rush back to place the pizza slice in. I take the book from the table and place it on my nightstand in my small bedroom. It’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. Talk about long titles. Ever since Kyle left a few months ago, I wanted to understand what happened and maybe understand how people work.

I figured out that maybe I’m an introvert and they were an extrovert. It would explain why they left. Living in a small cottage with one bathroom would also cause someone to live. I pause, things look different to me in the living room. I peer at the floor lamp, the coffee table, the curtains. It hits me.

I haven’t finished getting rid of something. I didn’t need to clean. Granted, I haven’t cleaned in quite some time, yet that wasn’t the problem. The problem was there were so many items that came from Kyle. This space wasn’t me. The curtains, the figurines, the paintings on the wall. They weren’t my style.

Taking one of the paintings I pull if off and lean it against the wall; the image facing away. The toaster pings again and I replace the hot slice with another. Taking a big bite, I return and see the bare wall. I smile, feeling like I started a project that I’m looking forward to doing.

For the next few days, I’m going to take everything that was once Kyle’s down. I’m going to start over and find things that I want to have in my home and I’m going to have the biggest yard sale anyone has ever seen in Spellbound Cove.